Spring Days: Makeup and Outfit of the Day

Good morning people 🙂


Today I’m sharing with you my outfit and makeup from yesterday when I was out and about in my friend’s neck of the woods.

Yesterday was beautifully sunny, but there was a chill in the air and I think all 3 of us were slightly underdressed for the weather. Regardless, it was a Britain with SUNSHINE which obviously means we got ice cream and hung out at the park anyway.


It was so nice to be out and about in a new place as Emmie and I spend most of our time either in the house, or walking the same routes in our area. And it was also nice to see my bestie as she starts a new job in London today & I’ll only get to see her every so often 😔


Throwback: here’s us 10 years ago:


(I promise you she has eyes!)

Anyway I was feeling pretty strong and powerful yesterday after listening to Lemonade 🍋🐝 and when I feel that way I tend to go for coppery and burgundy shades.

I apologise as I’m having to do this post on my mobile today & it’s being quite slow so I’m having trouble getting links up for you guys. Most of my makeup deets with links can be found in previous posts.

So without further ado here’s my deets:


Leggings: Tu at Sainsburys (16-18) | Jumper: Forever 21+ (2x – old stock: truly sorry as this jumper is AMAZING) | Choker: Primark


Foundation: No7 Instant Radiance (43 Calico) | Concealer: No7 Match Made (Calico) | Blusher: Pantone Universe | Eyebrows:L’Oreal Paris Brow Artist Genius Kit & Plumper | Mascara: No7 Intense Volume (Black) | Highlighter: Makeup Revolution Vivid Baked Highlighter (Golden Lights) | Eyeshadow: Makeup Revolution Parental Advisory Palette | Lips: Pantone Universe Lipstick

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend!

K xo

Park Times – Makeup and Outfit of the Day

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Happy Saturday beautiful people!

Today was another early start for us. With Ell off work today we decided to take advantage of the nice weather and head to the park. Today I am feeling very ~ pink ~ (not sure if you could tell!)

I am such a morning person, and I always think it’s nice to get up and out the house before some people have even woken up, then by afternoon I can just sit and chill out in the knowledge that I have been in some way productive. Obviously that doesn’t always happen, and some days we don’t even change out of our pajamas, but still it’s nice to get out the house every so often. Especially on beautiful days like this.

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Once again I have a little lady joining me.

Top: Internacionale (no longer exists! This top is ancient! Similar on sale (!) here)
Cardigan: Primark (18 – check instore for this)
Leggings: Tu at Sainsbury’s (16-18 but they do up to size 30)
Shoes: As yesterday
Sunglasses: Primark

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I’ve been experimenting with eyeshadow again!

Makeup:

Foundation: No7 Instant Radiance (43 Calico)
Concealer: No7 Match Made (Calico)
Blusher: Pantone Universe (I think I need to get a darker blush soon as this takes so much to even show up a little on me)
Eyebrows:L’Oreal Paris Brow Artist Genius Kit & Plumper
Mascara: No7 Intense Volume (Black)
Highlighter: Makeup Revolution Vivid Baked Highlighter (Golden Lights)
Eyeshadow:  Makeup Revolution Makeup Geek Palette 
Lips: L’Oreal Paris Infallible (Timeless Rose – L’Oreal have been making these for years and they are actually my favourite day-to-day liquid lipsticks)

My kin is still very dry at the minute and I’m trying to remedy that as best I can. I actually went used my old skincare routine last night instead of my Micellar Water and moisturiser, as I’ve been using recently, and it felt worse when I woke up this morning. Another win for the Micellar Water!

Hope you’re all having a lovely day – go out and play!

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K xo

Makeup and Outfit of the Day

Happy Friday people! And in fact Happy Earth Day!

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Today is another casual look, just picking up some groceries first thing this morning – 8:30am! Today has also been budget day for us *BLEURGH* which like so many other people is the WORST day. We have been spending far too much money on food recently, so from today I’m trying something new and working on a meal planner for the week. I’ve found quick a few great recipes of which the ingredients are cheap as chips.

I actually love cooking, and I do try to do it most days. Our food budget doesn’t go over because we order takeout so much (we do a Dominos pizza once a fortnight), but because when I go food shopping I just end up picking up stuff I like or fancy at the time and don’t think about main ingredient components. At the minute this has led to loads of stuff in the house getting no use, so in my meal planner I’ve incorporated these items to be used as well. I might even end up putting some of these on here, as it is sort of a lifetsyle blog (in the sense that, it’s a blog about aspects of my life).

It’s a bit chillier out today, and even though I opted out of a coat I did go for a jumper and scarf to keep me warm. I’ll cut to the chase with the deets (Emmie decided to join me for these outfit photos today).

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Jeans:  Next (18 – similar style in larger size range here)
Jumper: H&M Old Stock (nice striped plus size jumpers here and here)
Scarf: River Island Old stock (similar here)
Shoes: Matalan Old Stock (similar here and here)
Glasses: London Retro (Jubilee)
Necklace: Forever 21 Old stock (similar here and here)

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Makeup:

Foundation: No7 Instant Radiance (43 Calico)
Concealer: No7 Match Made (Calico)
Blusher: Pantone Universe
Eyebrows: L’Oreal Paris Brow Plumper
Mascara: No7 Intense Volume (Black)
Highlighter: Makeup Revolution Vivid Baked Highlighter (Golden Lights)
Eyeshadow: Maybelline Colour Tattoo (Pink Gold – think this has been renamed Pink Nude)
Lips: Blistex Lip Relief

Let the weekend commence!

K xo

Makeup and Outfit of the Day

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Good morning lovelies!

It’s another lovely day here in the South West 🙂 It’s only 9am and I have been up entirely too long already! Since my daughter woke me up at 6:30 I decided to get up as soon as my husb left for work and clean my makeup brushes, which I’ve been meaning to do for days!

Cleaning my makeup brushes is one of my LEAST favourite tasks, I have to say. The worst one is my foundation brush, which I barely even use, but every time I do it seems to get stuck forever between the bristles. I’ve been meaning to buy one of these for a while – does anybody have one? Do they work? Can anybody give me any tips to make this task any easier, or have any cleaners that work great?

Anyway, today I’m going to get out for a walk and enjoy that Vitamin D ayyyyyy
I also need to buy some planters as I’m growing Courgettes and Butternut Squash and my little seedlings have sprouted up dramatically in the past week!

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So today I needed something loose and comfortable to wear as I think it’s gonna get pretty warm but I still need to be getting stuff done.

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Please forgive my messy room!

Skirt: H&M Plus Jersey Maxi Skirt (Old stock – identical here)
Vest: Monki (Old stock – similar here)

Because most of my clothes come from sales, a lot of what I wear is old stock, however I will always try to find alternatives for you if you are interested in the items you see on me 🙂
Also, live your best life and shop at Monki. I really, really love their clothing and it is super cheap for what you get. They also deliver fairly swiftly and their delivery boxes are suuuuuper cute.

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When going to do my makeup today it was very dry and my psoriasis had flared up on my eyes, so I decided to opt out of eyeshadow today. I still put eyeliner on as it’s a bit lower down than the dryness hits, and put a pop of colour on my lower lids instead.

Foundation: No7 Instant Radiance (43 Calico)
Concealer: No7 Match Made (Calico)
Blusher: Pantone Universe
Eyebrows: L’Oreal Paris Brow Artist Genius Kit & Plumper
Eyeliner: Makeup Revolution Line & Flick
Mascara: No7 Intense Volume (Black)
Highlighter: Makeup Revolution Vivid Baked Highlighter (Golden Lights)
Eyeshadow: Makeup Revolution Makeup Geek Palette  (the two orange colours)
Lipstick: Makeup Revolution Ultra Velour Lip Cream (What I believe)

I’m also having one of those days where I look in the mirror and feel good, but then try and take a selfie and feel like my phone just will not cooperate! I’m trying not to beat myself up about it but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Whether you’re at work, at home, on holiday, whatever, I hope you have a wonderful day and that the sun is shining where you are too!

K xo

River Island Plus & Lack of Advertising Within High Street Plus Sizes

Before I get started, I want to make something super clear: I have always been a big fan of River Island. I think that they make great quality clothing, have affordable sales, and all in all have varying styles to suit everyone’s tastes. It hadn’t always been this way, but within the past 5 years or so I have been impressed with their style. Even though I can’t really fit into River Island clothing, in Glasgow you have to walk through the Women’s section to get to the Men’s, where my husband shopped every so often.

So when I discovered River Island were launching a Plus Size range, I was super stoked. I thought I would finally be able to wear the things I liked from there and actually have them FIT (RI does go up to an 18 which I’ve been able to get in the past, but their sizing has been a bit all over the place in the largest straight sizes). I would even get to try them on in my local store! I was wrong.

On the initial release of the line, I found myself on the website, disappointed by what they had brought out. It was almost exclusively neutral colours, very few patterns, and I think they only released about 30 things to begin with. Not one of the things I saw struck me. Now, I saw a lot of plus size bloggers at this time wearing their range, and they did look fantastic! It’s just, nothing there was very me. Of course, this isn’t River Island’s fault, but there wasn’t a huge range to choose from, and the range they did have was very “samey”.

I also had a bit of banter with a RI representative on Twitter, because when I went back to look at their plus size stuff a couple of weeks after the launch, I couldn’t actually find it easily on the website. On their front page they were featuring straight size, men’s, girl’s, boy’s, accessories… but no plus. It was the same when you clicked on the women’s tab which takes you to a different page: straight sizes, shoes, accessories… no plus. In fact, I could only find it from one bit:

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Now, you could be looking at this and thinking something perfectly logical: they offer a wide variety of products, of which Plus Size is one. It’s listed there, it’s not hidden.

True.

But when you read that list you’re actually not reading fully what they mean. Under clothing you have a long list of types of clothing, which Plus Size is apparently one of. Let us be perfectly frank: when a clothing store decides to go from the realm of just straight sizing, to plus, they have two options:

  1. Size up all their clothing to the upper size they want to cater to
  2. Create a separate plus size range

I’m not going to go into the semantics behind the othering of plus size ranges. In fact, sometimes it’s nice to see something slightly different that the straight sizes don’t have.

But what River Island actually mean by this list is straight sized dresses, straight sized tops, straight sized t-shirts, etc. Plus Sizes are not afforded the same courtesy. We are one line on a webpage, when every other range gets its own tab.

The problem that I had, and voiced on Twitter, was that this range had only just been released, and yet I could barely see it represented on their website. This seemed counterintuitive to their marketing and being able to target that particular audience.
The person who spoke with me on Twitter attempted to placate me by telling me they had a “plus size takeover” on the website when the collection launched and was “sorry [I] missed it”. In fact, this just angered me more. Am I supposed to be happy that I was actively aimed at and represented for one day, then it’s just back to the “normal” people? Perhaps my anger seems misguided, but it tied in to another factor which I will discuss in a minute.

I will also note that despite still not being seen on the home page of their website, you can clearly see plus sizes when clicking on the Women tab and being taken to that page, which is of course, a fantastic step in the right direction:

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But given that their range has been so recently released, I do still question why they wouldn’t want to give more advertising space to their plus sized buyers.

River Island is not the only high street brand with a plus size range who has this problem with lack of representation in a department they’re actively trying to sell. We see the same problem with the UK H&M website, who actually don’t even feature it on their Ladies page either; the only way you can access it is from the tiny tab.

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In fact, trying to find the plus size sections on many websites is like the “Where’s Wally” of shopping.

But there are brands out there doing it right. Two of the most popular high street stores which cater to the plus size community are New Look and Forever 21. Note the difference in their home pages compared to RI and H&M:

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You might also note that on New Look and H&M’s website, their plus size departments actually feature on their main top tabs.

The reason why this is important is that if you wanted to shop at RI, you would have to click the small line under the women’s tab, which would take you to their entire plus size range. You then need to try and find what you’re looking for from that point onward, whereas if you were shopping straight sizes and were looking solely for dresses, you only need to click dresses. New Look gives us that option, which makes trying to find what you may specifically be looking for much easier, and much quicker.

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Now let’s talk about range.

If you’re plus size, you know the issue. You become so desperate for something that fits you that you will buy, whether it is particularly your style or not. This is why we have so many plus size ranges that cater to what they think plus size people want: floaty long tops, capped sleeves, bootcut jeans, stretchy black trousers, waterfall cardigans. But some of us don’t want that. Some of us want to wear the stuff we actually – you know – see in shops. See on other people. Stuff that’s actually in style. En Vogue, if you will. (For more excellent discussion on this topic please go listen to the wonderful Bad Fat Broads podcast).

We do have a few high street fashion stores that are trying to do this. Do I think RI is one of them? Not particularly.

I like short skirts. I like short dresses. I like crop tops. I like tight tops that show off my body. You won’t find any of this at RI Plus.

One of the problems comes with the number of items you have to offer. And if you want to start a plus size range, you better make you sure you have enough to offer or I will take my custom somewhere that does, thank you very much. Plus size girls are used to having limited items in sections of stores. This is a hard but just “way of life” truth. But when it comes to numbers, even online, RI lags behind the competition:

Forever 21 Plus: 660 items
New Look Inspire: 422 items
H&M Plus: 140 items
River Island Plus: 72 items

 

I will also say that that 72 isn’t comprised of different items, as RI is a retailer who separates their colours on the same item, so there are items there that comprise that number but just in a different colour. To give you an example of the disparity in RI clothing, within their straight sizes they offer 71 styles of summer dress. No, not dresses in total, which number 179, just summer dresses. You have as many choices of summer dress if you are a straight size in RI as you do total clothing if you are plus sized.

Yes, they are a new collection. Inspire and F21+ are much older and much more established. However, if you’re not going to cater to a wide audience from the outset, I’m not going to come back to you.

Now, you might be thinking “that’s just River Island’s style, maybe you don’t like River Island clothing”. False. As I already stated above I love River Island’s varied straight size collection. I have shopped there when I have been able to in the past. And in fact, since they have released much more clothing since the launch, there are some items which I like:

(Khaki swing dress, Khaki zip shirt, Blue T-shirt dress, Cream lace-up top)

This leads me onto another problem.

So, I like these items. I’m interested in buying them. However, this range is new. I’m not sure what their sizing is like. I’m not sure what the materials are like. All in all, I’m not sure if they’ll fit me. But that’s okay, I have a River Island in my local town centre, I’ll just go try them on, right?

Well, thankfully, River Island has an itemised store checker so I can see whether I’ll be able to grab these items in my local store.

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This happened for every single item I was interested in purchasing.

Bath and Redditch are 50 miles from where I live, in opposite directions. So, in a 50 mile radius – a 100 mile stretch – there is not one single River Island store that carries the items I want? This got me to thinking, is the collection only available in certain stores?

I tried googling this, and couldn’t find the answer. Then I thought back to when the collection initially launched. I had walked past my local RI and did not see one bit of plus size advertising. I remember being struck by this at the time, because I knew it was such a big deal online. So, I tried googling something different: “is River Island Plus available in stores?” : every hit I had indicated their plus size collection would be available “in stores and online”.

Okay, so I’m left with purchasing online. I now have to pay for shipping and hope that the size I’m getting fits, that the item suits me, that I like the feel of it on. Let’s take the khaki dress. I’m really liking this dress. It’s great for my holiday.

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But hang on, they do other colours! Even better.

I’m not into that orange, but they do a mustard yellow. One of my favourite colours! I click on it, and am taken to this:

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That’s right folks. River Island offer this beautiful dress in 6 different colours if you are straight size. TWO if you are plus.

Okay, okay, okay more limited ranges in plus size, blah blah blah, but it is THE SAME dress. It is the SAME DRESS that they are obviously CAPABLE of making in sizes from 8 through 24, but a different colour confounds them?! Oh wait, no, because they do it in orange.
In case it wasn’t make clear before, I did not go to the straight sized section to find this dress in a different colour, I clicked on the colour options it shows available FROM THE PLUS SIZE SECTION, and then am left reminded, once again, that I am other.

So after this experience, I’m pretty much done with shopping on the website at all. And that’s how you lose customers and have me clicking on the F21 tab on my browser.

Look:

Of course it’s a great thing that RI are trying to increase their product line to include plus size girls. Of course it’s great that they offer some things that are more fashionable than many of the plus size options we are often left with.

But if you decide to branch into a different area  – as is the case in any business – you better know your buyer/your audience, and you better know what you’re talking about. Because, I’m sorry to say, in my eyes this just ain’t good enough.

K xo

90s Sunday Vibes

Sunny Sunday!

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Today I am channelling my inner 90s girl  and loving it. This is all part of a “brave new me” experimental-type thing I’ve got going on at the moment, where I push myself to try styles I’ve steered away from as a fat girl.

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Corissa at Fat Girl Flow recently wrote a post on how people perceive fat style choices when they are not deemed as “flattering” and that is something I’m looking to challenge myself with. Yeah, this outfit is relatively safe. I’m in black. I’ve got most of myself covered up. But honestly, there are things about this that are baby steps for me. My VBO (visible belly outline) is on show – I’m not wearing a floaty top to try and hide it. I’ve got turn-ups on my jeans that on looser styles I haven’t in the past perceived as “flattering”. I’m wearing a sheer shirt that still shows of my arms to a certain extent. I’m still on my own journey, and that’s okay! It takes time to love yourself completely and where I am today is a world away from this time last year. Hopefully I’ll still be able to say the same again next year.

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My biggest challenge this year is the fact that I’m going on holiday with a bunch of family. I don’t mind being around my Mum as a fellow fat woman, but there are going to be family members there who have never seen me in a swimsuit before. In fact, I haven’t been in public in a swimsuit since being this weight. Last time I wore a swimsuit was about this time last year when I was about 1.5 stone lighter on my sister’s hen do. Even then I put a towel around me right up until I got in the hot tub, and as soon as I got out.

In order to try and overcome this, I’ve got a new swimsuit and 2 cute as shit bikinis from Forever 21. I want to be pool side without being covered up. I wanna go swim and jump about in the pool with my daughter without worrying what people are thinking. I wanna have a fun fucking holiday and look hot as shit doing it.

Anyway, my point is that this is a journey for me. It hasn’t been overnight. It’s taking time. Small steps. Small achievements. Whether anyone else thinks it or not, for me this outfit is one of them 🙂

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Outfit deets:

Top: Primark
Jeans: As I stated before, as a small fat, I can sometimes fit in straight sizes at certain shops, so these jeans are a UK18 from Next, however here are some beautiful similar from Asos Curve which size up to 28 🙂
Shirt: Vintage find
Trainers: Adidas Gazelle Mens (other styles here)
Necklace: Accessorize (old stock unfortunately)

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Makeup:

Foundation: No7 Instant Radiance (43 Calico)
Concealer: No7 Match Made (Calico)
Blusher: Pantone Universe
Eyebrows: L’Oreal Paris Brow Artist Genius Kit & Plumper
Eyeliner: Makeup Revolution Line & Flick
Mascara: No7 Intense Volume (Black)
Highlighter: Makeup Revolution Vivid Baked Highlighter (Golden Lights)
Eyeshadow: Urban Decay Shadow Box (Sin, Flash, Tornado, Bordello)

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Lips: My lips have been feeling really dry and in need of some protection especially now the sun’s out, so today I just have on Blistex Lip Relief, which has a bit of a tint and SPF.

Whatever you guys have been up to, I hope your weekend has been, and continues to be, brilliant 🙂

K xo

Peachy Keen & Mum Aesthetics

So today is Saturday, but for me it’s just any other day. My husband works shifts and these can include any day of the week, so he’s often working Saturdays and Sundays. As a SAHM, my usual work never stops either. I still have housework to do and a small human to keep alive. However, as promised in my last post, I am trying to take more time for myself & indulge more in things I like to do. As such, I thought I’d do a little MOTD and OOTD post.

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Today the sun was shining on this part of the planet and I was feeling kinda summery and glowy (thanks, great bedroom lighting!) and so I felt inclined toward the peachy and golden end of the makeup spectrum.

Now, this is not going to altogether be a makeup blog, however makeup is something I have really been getting into recently as I have been moving away from my comfort zones. For years I stuck to winged eyeliner and red lipstick – a look I still adore – but being a SAHM caused me to get a bit lazy with putting makeup on, and also to go for more simpler looks when I do go out. Now I put a lot more focus on eyeshadow that I used to, and am still practising blending and colour techniques, so bear with me if I have some really bad days! I also have terrible skin and I don’t like wearing heavy foundations/concealers so please deal.

Here’s my look and the products used:

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(Please note you will never get a straight-faced selfie out of this girl!)

Foundation: No7 Instant Radiance (43 Calico)
Concealer: No7 Match Made (Calico)
Blusher: Pantone Universe
Eyebrows: L’Oreal Paris Brow Artist Genius Kit & Plumper
Eyeliner: Makeup Revolution Line & Flick
Mascara: No7 Intense Volume (Black)
Highlighter: Makeup Revolution Vivid Baked Highlighter (Golden Lights) – I ADORE this highlighter & it cost me like £3!!

Eyeshadow: Urban Decay Shadow Box (Sin, Freelove, Lost, Baked Cowboy)

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Lips: Stila Lipglaze (Creamsicle)

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I just feel like this was a really cute peachy summery look and I think I’m gonna try and recreate it more as the sun gets higher in the sky (high hopes for Britain!)

One of the things I find when I’m getting dressed in the morning is that my makeup dictates my outfit, instead of the other way around. Outfits are obviously a great expression of your feelings and personality that day, but I find my makeup is more so for me. If I’m feeling sexy, I’m more likely to go for a darker lip. If I’m feeling down, I go for dark eyeshadows. This would be my happy, relaxed look I guess. Because I went for peachy tones I ended up gravitating toward a burnt orange jumper in my closet.

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This is my chill mum vibe, haha! I’ve got no plans to go out today – just the usual housework, motherhood, getting the dog out, cooking and then chilling with a glass of wine on the sofa later – so this outfit is obviously more comfort than fashion. Yes, those are my slippers!

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These leggings and the jumper are both by South, which I got through Very. I never used to be very impressed with South’s collection, but I actually think they have been getting better, and their leggings I am devoted to as they are the softest ones I’ve encountered! They don’t have this jumper in stock anymore unfortunately, as I got it a long time ago, but it is also super comfy and good for being in the house. South sizes up to a UK24. The necklace is Forever 21 (similar here and here), which I adore, and they also have some cool smaller jewellry in recently, which I’m finding myself wearing more of.

Hope you enjoyed my first MOTD and OOTD – you’ll be seeing plenty more soon!

K xo

From the beginning, then…

Hello, hello, hello and HELLO!

My name is Kirsten and welcome to my blog! I have a blog!

Okay, okay, confession time. Over the years I have started several blogs, none of which I have kept up to date and then have fizzled out, only to be left on the shelves at the very back of the “unknown wordpress users” library. No more! This will be my turn-around. Or maybe it won’t. No pressure…. eek.

So, introductions?

My name is Kirsten (I believe I’ve already stated that), I’m 25, bisexual, married, a stay at home human and puppy mother, and I live in the South West of England. I have a degree in English Studies, and before becoming a SAHM was an Office Supervisor.

I’ve been with my husband/best friend/weirdo Ell for coming up to 7 years and we’ve been married for almost 2.

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Here we are looking dashing on our wedding day. Don’t we scrub up well? But, for the sake of verity, let’s choose a more realistic image:

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Yup. Pretty much me being a weirdo and him smiling along with it wondering why he married me.

We also have a 3 year old daughter who’s pretty much the coolest, cutest, funniest kid you ever laid eyes on.

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That’s her whipping while wearing a Star Wars top. Yep. That’s our daughter.

Aaaaaannnnyyywaaayyyyyy

Reasons for starting this blog. Are you ready for the cliché? Okay, here comes the cliché:
I’m starting a blog because I have things to say. Yep. That’s it. Okay, maybe you need a little more.

I have struggled with my weight for years. I’m a stereotypical girl who has grown up big in a society that pressures us to be as small as possible. I have grown up under the direct influence of women who have been yo-yo dieters, and to whom size is/was everything. I want to make it very clear now that I place no blame on these women. The onus lies on a society and fashion and beauty industries whose standards and income are reliant on female self-hatred. In any case, I grew up hating myself because even though I ate a relatively HEALTHY diet (funnily enough, fat girls sometimes eat the same as skinny girls and still turn out larger) I did not look like the women who are placed on pedestals as the epitome of beauty and femininity.

**CW**
This lead to heartache and mental health issues. It led to starving, restricting, purging. It led to attempts on my life. All in the name of beauty… or rather, what I (and most others) perceived beauty to be.

The constant struggle I had growing up was in my supreme love for women. Not only was society trying to push us into boxes of how we looked, but of how we THOUGHT. This is something that has only dawned on me years later. It is not enough for them to want you to hate yourself: they want you to hate other women. They want it to be so thoroughly engrained in you that FAT is the enemy. That not FITTING IN is the enemy. That fucking BODY HAIR is the enemy. It’s not good enough if you try to fit into these moulds, you have to make other women feel that way too. Of COURSE you should be shaming the fat woman sat in McDonalds. Of COURSE you should be shaming the woman with leg hair at the pool. Of COURSE you should be shaming that girl at school who doesn’t pluck her “unruly” eyebrows. Being anything other than skinny, bodily hair free, made up (but not TOO made up) is a problem.

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*rolls eyes*

I never felt this way, and for this I felt there was something wrong with ME. I would look at fat women and think of them in the same ways I did anyone else. I would notice them if something struck me about them- “oh, I like her skirt!”, “oh, her lipstick is amazing!”, but when people I interacted with wanted to shame other girls on appearance- on weight, on hair colour, on style – I never really got it. I was desperately trying to lose weight, desperately trying to look just “normal”, when I had fat women in my life who were gorgeous. Who I wish I looked like. Who I wish I was. This was at war with my weightloss. The thoughts clashed in my head every single day, and it took me years upon years to realise that all of that, all of the thoughts that coloured my days, were a product of clever societal pressure mixed in with mental illness.

I have taken time to work on my MH issues. I will never be fully there as it is an ongoing battle. However, I now know that my MH issues do not spawn from the fact that I am fat. They are not mutually exclusive. I am mentally ill and fat. I have been mentally ill and skinny.

I am now at a place where I have been fat positive for about a year and a half. How did I discover this? The influence of fat women. I became engrossed with plus sized bloggers and their lives, how they could be so happy and gorgeous and stylish in an internet world that was going to tell them they weren’t. That paved the way for me. People have never been attractive IN SPITE OF their size to me, they’ve just been attractive. I questioned my motives for following these women. Was it because they were different? No. It’s because they looked like me. They weren’t “waiting for summer bodies” to put on bikinis. They weren’t standing at the back of photos because they were fat. They weren’t promoting weight loss products or “BEFORE” stories. They were whole people. They are whole people. I wanted to be whole too, and it suddenly dawned on me that that didn’t come from looking how society wanted me to, it came from being unapologetically me.

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So, a year and a half later I am here. It’s been difficult. Fat positivity has led me to fight more demons that were inside of me than I knew were there. It forced me to open my eyes to what was going on around me, how many abnormal behaviours society promotes all in the journey of “beauty”. It came to dominate my feminism. I’m aware that in terms of fat activism I am at the lower end of the spectrum. I’m a UK 18-20 which means, if I’m lucky, I can walk into some straight-sized stores and find something. But, it’s still not been easy in world where a 12 is plus size representation. Now I’m confident, and ready to continue my journey in public.

Come and dive in with me.

K xo