This Girl Can’t (But Did it Anyway)

Good morning, good morning, and if you’re wondering about the lack of posts recently, it’s because I’m currently on holiday in Scotland! I was actually meant to write and set up a queue before I went, but as happens to the best of us before going on holiday, time slipped away. So here I am writing to you lot at 6am in the morning from the wondrously comfortable bed of my hotel room!


If I hadn’t mentioned this before (I have a brain like a sieve, do bear with me), I am from Scotland. I was born in Glasgow, raised on the West coast until I was 7, moved to England, then moved back to Glasgow at 18 and stayed there again until I was 25. Most of my family still live up here, and this week we’re up visiting my Mum, but she decided it would be nice to go to Edinburgh for a few days.

I’ve been to Edinburgh several times, but I would in no way claim to really “know” the City. My husband has only ever been to the zoo, so we thought it would be a nice trip. And so on the day when my Mum and stepdad offered to look after our daughter, I suggested to Ell, “let’s climb Arthur’s seat”.


(We later discovered that wasn’t the highest point)

Arthur’s seat, if you are not familiar, is the highest craggy point in a set of hills that form Holyrood Park, just outside of the centre. The cliffs are the remains of a volcano which shifted several millions of years ago, and the crags are formed of basalt lava flow (the same as the rocks Edinburgh castle is formed on). I’ve never actually gone there, and Elliot loves a good hill walk, so thought it would be the best way for him to see the city for the first time.

I did a bit of research and discovered there were different routes with two for an easy walk, but I also found a website of a guy who runs tours there saying it wasn’t the best way to go for scenery. So even though I’m not fit at all, this is the way we decided to go.



It’s a beautiful walk, it really is. But let me tell you, by half way up I did not think I was going to make it, in any which way. If you’ve ever done this walk, you might find me ridiculous. It’s described as “relatively easy”, but I’m guessing that that is, for the most part, not aimed at 230lb unfit people such as myself.



When I say I’m unfit, I really do mean unfit. I’m not talking “doesn’t go the gym” unfit, I’m talking “doesn’t do anything” unfit. I’m a SAHM, and the only exercise I get is walking my daughter to nursery or to the shops.

This meant that I stopped so many times, I cried, I swore, I said I couldn’t do it.

When we got to the last quarter, Elliot tried to reassure me that we didn’t need to go to the very top. We were at a point where there were already incredible views, we were so near the precipice, and I was having a lie-down because I was feeling sick. 

But I was determined.


It wasn’t because I had anything to prove. It wasn’t because I felt embarrassed about not feeling I could make it. It was simply because I wanted to. I was wrong to do it.

After I had sat for a bit, had some water, and taken in the views already available, I got up and began to climb again. The strangest thing was that I found the last part of the climb most enjoyable. Elliot and I once again decided not to follow the path, and were scrambling up the crags to the peak. And I’ll admit, once I got there, I had a little cry.


I was tired, I was red, I was sweaty, my hair was a mess. It was busy. The views were beautiful. It was windy as all hell. We spent a little time there, took photos, were thankful to be there, and then made our way down. I thought everything was fine.


I was expecting the way down to be easy. It wasn’t.

I lost my sense of direction and which way the route I had looked up suggested I follow, and ended up going back down a way that was extremely steep with a very narrow path. This wasn’t so bad, but what was, was the fact that it was an extremely dry day, there was loose shingle and dusty earth. This made everything incredibly slippy.

I fell twice.

The first time, I was mucking about and I fell and hurt my knee and my butt, but it wasn’t too bad. Elliot shook off my embarrassment by sitting down next to me and taking selfies, pretending it was on purpose (like that scene from Scrubs).


The second time, it was on an extremely narrow bit with a sharp drop to the left, and honestly, if Ell hadn’t been there, I would have gone over. That shook me. And my knees went into a state of absolute jellification. You know that feeling like your legs are vibrating, like you’re bouncing them up and down when you’re actually not? Yeah, that.


I took it slow, and eventually we got to a grassy knoll about half way down. And despite getting to the top of the crag, this was the most idyllic spot yet.


The path we had taken down was really quiet (and now I can probably tell why), and then you reach a grassy bit that has a cliff on the left, looking down at the lower paths of Holyrood Park running down the middle. We were on a bit of short dry grass and lichen which was really soft, the wind wasn’t hitting us as hard now, it was sunny and quiet, and we were watching kestrels hunt right by us. We lay down and stayed there, in perfect happiness and rest, for about half an hour. I could have slept, honestly.


When I eventually managed to get back up, I felt a little better, but still was annoyed by how far we had to go to reach the bottom, but the path was easier now. And by the time we did, I was euphoric.

But then we had to walk ages into Edinburgh. We were meant to be meeting someone, and instead, I was getting the bus back to the hotel myself because I was so ill. I had pushed myself way too hard, and I was out for the rest of the night and most of the next day. I shouldn’t have been so stubborn.

My main point is this:

I do not buy in to the good fatty, bad fatty narrative. I’m no more of a person because I chose to climb a hill rather than go have lunch in McDonalds. I ate McDonalds for dinner that night, actually. And I didn’t earn it either, by the way. Fat people are allowed to exist in all forms, and funnily enough, we all have different likes and fitness levels and activities we enjoy.

There are fat people who could do that walk easily and enjoy it, there are fat people who can struggle the whole way, like me, and there are fat people who could never even dream of attempting it. All are valid and important, beautiful identities.

And do you know what? I’m never gonna do that again. I climbed it because I thought my husband would enjoy it. I climbed it because I wanted to do it once. I’ve done that now, and that’s it. And the next time I’m in Edinburgh, I’ll go and have a nice meal instead.

Am I proud of myself for doing it? Yes. But I’m proud because for me it was hard. I’m proud because I set myself a goal and I did it (something that may seem mundane for most, but is a huge achievement with my depression).

It took us ages. I cried. I threw up a little. Really, I couldn’t do it. I probably should have stopped. But I did anyway because I’m a stubborn cow. And do you know what? If you can’t, it’s okay. I won’t do it again. I’m not built for that kind of exercise. And that’s okay too ūüôā

Kirsten xo

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15 Again: A Makeup & Outfit OTD

Good morning!

How’s everyone doing today? What are we doing today? I’m listening to the San Junipero soundtrack and crying. So it goes.

Sharing with you a lil makeup and outfit of the day on this beautiful July day. This was on a cooler day than today, otherwise I would be sweating my butt off. Especially because I was sat in a car for two hours on this day! Okay, maybe I still sweat my butt off. So it goes.

Does the title confuse you? Yeah, me too. Just kidding; I wrote it. Want some context?

Basically, I’ve never really fallen into a particular clothing “style”. You may have seen this already from the eclectic range I’ve provided for you on this here blog. And by¬†“eclectic range” I mean, “mish-mash of no taste”.

I’m always envious of people who have true style, their own look. You know? The ones who you are always going to know what variation of something they’ll be wearing, and who rock their look down to a tee. I think the closest I am to this is “black leggings”.
Look, I’m basic. I fucking love a pair of black leggings. Once I stopped giving a shit about whether I was “too fat” to wear them, I realised the comfort I had been denying myself for years. You know? Cos fat girls are meant to look either ultra femme or ultra butch. We can’t put on sweatpants and messy buns and have it be a lewk like the skinny folks can.

Anyway. There was a time before that in-betweeny¬†I hate my body¬†time and now where I didn’t care what I looked like and just wore what I like. I guess back then there would be times I would try to conform in my own way, some ways I wanted to be like my friends and my sister, and other ways in which I didn’t want to be like anyone. So sometimes I had some¬†weird outfits. But there was an overall go-to for me: a band/rock-looking tee with jeans and converse.

That’s what I thought made me look cool. Do you wanna see how desperately¬†uncool I was?

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There you are. Bask in me in my weird 15 year-old glory. I’m also wearing tights under those jeans. Lord knows why.

Anyway that’s the context. I never did fine that one style, and now I’m kind of coming to terms with that. Much like my music taste, I can never settle for listening to one thing exclusively, I’m trying to not¬†look one way exclusively.

I’ve talked too much. Here we go.

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I’m gonna be real with you here guys: I genuinely think I’ve had these converse since I was about 15 too. If you don’t wear them every day, these shoes fucking¬†last mate. Well, for me they have. My husband has big ole size 12 feet and he walks out Converse in 3 months.

Top | Leggings are Primark | Shoes (this colour isn’t sold anymore tho) | Phone case

The one thing that¬†is different compared to being 15, is being able to actually do half-decent makeup (though I still can’t do my hair).

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Base | Contour | Blush | Highlight | Brows | Eyes | Mascara | Lips

And there you have it. Here’s my 26 year-old attempt at recapturing a little “don’t fuck with me” attitude of over a decade ago. And I didn’t even look like that all the time. I¬†wish I had looked like this when I was 15.

What did you look like when you were 15? How has your style changed? Let me know!

Until next time ūüėČ

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<<Rawr means I love you in dinosaur>>
(any old scene kids in the house?)

kirsten-xo

Makeup & Outfit of the Day – Last Weekend!

Bon weekend!

If you’re anywhere but the UK, I hope you’ve had a peaceful week. If you’re in the UK, we’ve had a bit of a week of it, haven’t we? I’m not going to go into politics here because, let’s be honest, I am¬†tired. If you wanna see how I feel about any of that stuff then you can probably tell from my Insta posts¬†or my twitter.

I am running late on my posts guys, and today I have no inventive titles for you even, because these photos are from Sunday. Yes, I know. I still thought they were worth sharing, though.

Something I’m really trying to get over is my confidence issues when my hair is not down. I have a bit of a thing about how I perceive my face to look when my hair is up (not due to my fatness, but more due to the fact that I hate my nose and profile of my chin). But seeing as every summer seems to be hotter than ever, it’s something I need to get over. My partner Ana told me I looked nice in pigtails, so pigtails it is! haha.

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This day was typical British weather. We had a beautiful sunny and¬†hot day to start off with, then got rained out. Luckily I took a rain jacket, but the sandals probably weren’t the best idea!

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ASOS had a massive sale over the May bank holiday which I took advantage of, and this tee was one of my favourite items I got. I’ve just checked for you babes and it’s¬†still available and¬†still on sale – go go go!

The sandals are ones I got aaaages ago and are no longer available, however I have managed to find a strikingly similar pair here on sale!

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My makeup held up awesomely on this day despite the heat¬†and the rain, probably mostly thanks to a combo of my Paul & Joe primer I’ve just finished (T____T) and my usual KVD Lock-it Foundation (in which I wear 42 Light).

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Lip of choice for this day was the¬†delightful¬†Cupid by Lime Crime. I’m betting this one will be a go-to shade for me.

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And that is all my dudes!

Have a wonderful rest of the weekend ‚̧

kirsten-xo

OUTFIT OF THE DAY

So I have been trying to move out of my comfort zone when it comes to my fashion choices recently.

I love fawning over plus size bloggers and the looks they are able to put together, but I’m just not sure I have the creativity of doing things like that myself! I also get myself stuck in a rut of throwing on leggings and a top, and when that’s been a habit of so many years it can be hard to get past.

Not that I don’t still love leggings and a top or that I think they can’t still look hella cute together – it’s still my go-to!

In the hopes of getting the most out of my wardrobe, I’ve been going through it to try and work out what I haven’t worn/rarely worn and the reasons why. Do I actually not like the item, or am I stuck wondering how to wear it?

Turns out it’s mainly the latter.

I found a skirt in my wardrobe with the tags still on and it is¬†gorgeous. Why hadn’t I worn it? Was I waiting for a specific occasion? I’m not sure I could actually tell you. But I decided to put it on and see what happened.

I was actually going to try and “summer it up” a bit, but the weather turned this day. It was really muggy and cloudy, and so I think with the darkening of my mood, I gravitated towards darker colours and this was the result.

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(Inspo for pairing a tee with a floaty skirt comes from Danie Vanier, who always pulls off looks like this effortlessly)

As I’ve stated before, most of my clothes are very out of season, so I don’t have links for you! The skirt¬†may still be available in Primark, or styles like it which I actually saw yesterday. However, if you need something somewhat similar, you can find a great one here from Evans ūüôā

I do hope to have some newer stuff soon РI took advantage of the Asos sale over the weekend so you might see some pieces from that!

Anyway, I hope you all had an awesome bank holiday and that going back to work hasn’t been too painful for you!

Until next time ‚̧

kirsten-xo

 

Makeup & Outfit of the Day

Good morning all ūüôā

I hope you have all taken some time to decompress and spend time with your families. I wish I could say something profound about what has happened, but the truth is there is nothing. I wish I could be an influential person but I’m not. The only thing of note I can say is: life is too short. Do what you love and be with who you love.


Moving on, I have makeup and outfit of the day post for you! It’s suddenly gone into full summer mode in the UK, and so on this day, I was actually¬†way too hot. So it goes.

I’m actually not very well today, so please excuse (or rejoice!) in the fact that I’m not going to do a lot of talking ūüėČ

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As I’ve said before, I don’t get to spend money on clothes that often (or maybe I don’t prioritise it!) and so all this stuff is very last year. The dress is one of my fave items and is from Monki, which I’ll probably do a blog post on in the near future.

I initially felt¬†very self-conscious in this outfit, but as I said before, I’m desperately trying to move away from the ideals of what people deem “flattering” and just wear what I like, regardless of how others deem it looks on me, whether I have my legs out, whether my arms look big, whether you can see all the lumps and bumps in my tummy.

As the note said at the beginning of this post, life is too damn short.

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My hair was a mess, as usual, and as you can see, on this day.

My makeup was pretty basic, but I felt¬†badass. The standout is obviously my lipstick, which is Too Faced Melted in Melted Fig. Previous times I have worn this, the colour has not looked as intense. I don’t know why it does on this day, but¬†damn it looks good.


If you’re in the UK, I hope you’re enjoying this heat!
But wherever you are in this world, I hope you’re doing well recently too!

Take care of yourselves ‚̧

kirsten-xo

Spring Navabi Sale Picks

Note 1: As of the date of writing this, all items are in stock, though in limited sizes.

Note 2: As I concentrate on plus-size fashion, I have only listed styles currently available in size 18 and above.

Goooooood morning peeps!

Today I have another fashion-based post for you, this time showcasing some of my faves from the amazing sale that Navabi currently has on!
Navabi sells high-quality plus size fashion, and I am always drooling over their website. Their sale has absolutely loads of great stuff in it, to the point where it was hard to narrow this down.

Spring always makes me think of pastel colours and floral prints, but there were some pieces I included here that I felt were just too good not to share.
Enjoy!

 

 

  1. Eterna Polka Dot Cotton Shirt
  2. Manon Baptiste Denim Midi Skirt
  3. Nör Polka Dot Shirt
  4. Manon Baptiste Open Front Boyfriend Blazer
  5. Choise Print Zip Neckline Dress
  6. Exelle Floral Print Tunic
  7. Jennifer Bryde Patterned Cotton Trousers
  8. Persona Polka Dot Dévoré Shirt
  9. Miss Y by Yoek Cotton Shirt Dress
  10. Choise Striped Button Through Dress
  11. Eterna Printed Cotton Shirt
  12. Annalisa Woven Pleated Top
  13. Zizzi Patchwork Effect Skinny Jeans
  14. Samoon Drawstring Waist Dress

 

What do you think? Have you found any amazing sale picks this season?

Until next time, lovelies ‚̧

kirsten-xo

I Have a New Instagram!

Night (2)

Hey guys!

Just stopping by to let you know that I have a new Instagram, on which I’m going to be sharing stuff exclusively to do with blogging ‚̧

NEW INSTAGRAM HERE

I’d be super grateful if you checked it out and gave me a follow ūüėÄ
I’m still in the process of setting up and need lots of cool beauty bloggers and plus size bloggers to follow, so will check out all new followers too!

Thanks lovelies ‚̧

kirsten-xo

ASOS Wishlist May 2017

So my daughter has chickenpox. This is an enlightening experience because I have never actually had chickenpox myself. And no, I don’t have it just now, either. Maybe I’ll catch it from her and it will present itself in a week or two, but right now the only thing I am suffering with is a super infected finger – ouch!

Because of this, I haven’t left the house in a few days, nor¬†making myself presentable because I’ve spent most of my time looking after her (and going on a SIMS4 binge!), so unfortunately, I haven’t had any new looks to present you with. So, for today, I thought I’d do a wishlist, which I don’t think I’ve done since my birthday last year!

When it comes to finding clothes, being plus size can be difficult. It’s not always a case of popping into town and grabbing something. It can be an arduous task to trawl round finding a) things that fit you, b) things you can afford, and c) things you actually like. This isn’t a problem for most people, but when you’re fat, this is the holy grail. And this is a reason I like Asos so much.

Like I said in a previous post, I can’t afford to buy many clothes, but the ones I do get tend to be from online stores like Asos. And the ones I can’t afford go into the handy wishlist, where I sit staring and lusting after the pretties until I can afford them, or they no longer become available and disappear from the site.

So in this vein, here are some of my fave pieces on Asos Curve at the minute:

 

  1. Asos Curve Mini Rara Skirt Р£28
  2. Asos Curve Maxi Skirt in Palm Print Р£32
  3. Asos Curve Midi Skirt with Asymmetric Poppers Р£20
  4. Asos Curve Halterneck Sundress in Gingham Р£30
  5. Asos Curve Asymmetric Cami Top in Mixed Floral Р£28
  6. Asos Curve Smock Top in Tiers in Gingham Р£30
  7. Asos Curve Maxi Tea Dress with Open Back in Floral Р£45
  8. Asos Curve Embroidered Long Sleeve Shift Dress Р£70
  9. Asos Curve Salon Embroidered Smock Longer Length Midi Dress Р£120
  10. Asos Curve Embroidered Enchanted Midi Shift Dress Р£60
  11. Asos Curve Kimono in Stripe with Embroidered Back Р£60
  12. Lovedrobe Check Culotte Jumpsuit Р£55
  13. Asos Curve T-Shirt with Lace Plunge and Sleeve Р£25
  14. Asos Curve Mesh Scatter Sequin Mini Dress Р£75
  15. Asos Curve Stripe Swing Dress with Ruffle Hem and Tie Front Р£35
  16. New Look Plus Distressed Boyfriend Jeans Р£24.99
  17. New Look Plus Strappy Lace Bralet Р£12.99
  18. Asos Curve the Ultimate Cami with Caging 2 Pack Р£14

 

I’m especially in love with anything mustard yellow at the moment, and I’m trying to pull myself out of my comfort zone with patterns and styles… going against the grain in my attempt to reject the ideal of what is “flattering” to fat bodies, and in fact, get that word out of vocab altogether.

So what are you guys lusting after this summer?

Until next time ūüėČ

kirsten-xo

Makeup & Outfit of the Day 04.05.2017

Today I have a post which is actually from a few days ago now which I haven’t had the opportunity to get up yet, and is my makeup and outfit of the day on a day when I wanted to look a lil nicer than usual, but still comfy.

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In case you were not aware, my optimal state is comfort, and I will always opt for that where I can in my clothing choices. Leggings are almost always the go-to for me, something that I would have never expected to happen several years ago, when size 12 me would say “I’m too fat to wear leggings as trousers!” … well, fuck that. They’re comfy as hell and also, while we’re on the subject, there’s no such thing as “too fat to wear”. Wear what you want, when you want. (/fat positivity rant for the day).

So on this particular day we have a khaki zara basics tee, I believe the leggings are Goldigga, some platform velour slip-ons from Topshop, choker from an old Marzia box, and earrings my sister made. All are perfectly accessorised by my favourite Skinny Dip phone case.

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On to makeup!

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I believe I’m in a weird minority of people who choose their makeup before their clothes most days. I pick whatever colour I feel like putting near my face, then whatever clothes. Sometimes they match, sometimes they don’t.

I was playing about with my Urban Decay XX Reloaded palette on this day (and yes, I know it always seems to be this palette, but I’m skint and can’t afford new makeup all the time okay? T_T), and the main colours we have going on here are Acid Rain, Mildew and Moonflower. It was not until after the entire process I realised my eyes were reminiscent of an over-ripe avocado.

Also, I’m really struggling with the photo above as it’s an angle I absolutely hate, but I’m trying to get over things like that. It’s my face.

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Here I am looking fierce and pretending I’m serving LEWKS when really it’s the sun getting in my eyes. Also wow, look how truly terrible my hair is looking as I try to grow out this fringe. Is that a speck of dandruff I see? Iconic.

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Ah, that’s better. Looking a bit cuter and Bambi-eyed here. Can you tell I have nothing to talk about today? It’s all commentary on my face. I’ll give you some product rundowns instead okay? And yes, I’m still working through the last of non-vegan products so there will be stuff here that’s not cruelty-free and so I won’t be linking.

Max Factor Primer
Kat Von D Lock-It Foundation (42 Light Neutral)
Maybelline Matte Maker Powder (Classic Ivory)
Model Co Countour Stick
Barry M Get Up & Glow palette (no longer available but looks almost identical to this new one)
Makeup Revolution Vivid Baked Highlighter (no longer available)
Urban Decay Primer Potion
Urban Decay XX Reloaded palette
Anastasia Dip Brow Pomade (Medium Brown)
L’Oreal Brow Master Brow Mascara
MDMflow Lipstick (Bossy)
Rodial Glamolash Mascara

And here’s a before and after for you. Please try not to scream.

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And that’s it for now folks. Peace out and have an awesome rest of your weekend.

Kirsten xo

STUFF FOR SALE

Hey guys,

Just dropping by to let you know that I have some clothes for sale over on my twitter.

I’m really hard on money right now so there’s nothing like a good old clear out! I have shoes, scarves and some plus size clothing, too!

CLICK HERE FOR MY TWITTER

Anything you would be able to purchase would really help us out. Times are tough.

Please note that the prices are inclusive of postage for the UK, but I would need to add a bit on for other countries.

Thanks so much in advance!

Kirsten xo